Wild Turkey
Dissident's brave mission snuffed by New Jersey fuzz
Rebecca Bauman
Issue date: 11/19/09 Section: Opinion
It pains me to tell you lot that New Jersey wildlife officials finally netted "Tammy the Turnpike Turkey" on Wednesday. Tammy, a wild turkey and likely Staten Island native, began squatting at a New Jersey tollbooth last spring, spending her days running back and forth across the road and, according to the Associated Press, "causing stunned truck drivers to slam on their brakes and prompting some spectators to run across several lanes of traffic to pose for pictures with her."
After innumerable complaints from drivers, officials lowered the boom this week - but not before Tammy weaved in and out of New Jersey traffic for hours while her would-be captors, wielding a large net-gun, followed in hot pursuit. After a valiant fight, she was eventually nabbed, locked in a cardboard box and transported to Popcorn Zoo in Lacey Township, where she will likely long be revered as a hero and martyr to the anti-Thanksgiving movement.
In dismal times like these - injustice and disease dusting the nation like so much scrap booking glitter - it's individuals like Tammy that cause me to believe we Americans still have some fight left in us, still have that combative spirit that served us so well during the Revolutionary War, the Civil Rights movement, and the great Cabbage Patch Kids riots of 1983.
Let Tammy's protest of the avian genocide so rampant during the Thanksgiving season be a lesson to us all, a lasting reminder that real Americans, real patriots never go down without first scaring the bahjeezus out of those who threaten their liberty.
After innumerable complaints from drivers, officials lowered the boom this week - but not before Tammy weaved in and out of New Jersey traffic for hours while her would-be captors, wielding a large net-gun, followed in hot pursuit. After a valiant fight, she was eventually nabbed, locked in a cardboard box and transported to Popcorn Zoo in Lacey Township, where she will likely long be revered as a hero and martyr to the anti-Thanksgiving movement.
In dismal times like these - injustice and disease dusting the nation like so much scrap booking glitter - it's individuals like Tammy that cause me to believe we Americans still have some fight left in us, still have that combative spirit that served us so well during the Revolutionary War, the Civil Rights movement, and the great Cabbage Patch Kids riots of 1983.
Let Tammy's protest of the avian genocide so rampant during the Thanksgiving season be a lesson to us all, a lasting reminder that real Americans, real patriots never go down without first scaring the bahjeezus out of those who threaten their liberty.
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